I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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