Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
