So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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