Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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