he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
