I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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