I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
