Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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