No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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