i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
