If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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