Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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