I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
