so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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