Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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