my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
