I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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