Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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