If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she looked like the before picture.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
