I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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