Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
