some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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