I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
