I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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