We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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