Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
