I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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