I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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