So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
