Jerry, you need to find god
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
