If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
