I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
