I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
