Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
