Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
