Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
