i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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