I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
