A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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