hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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