and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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