so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
