tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
