i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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