Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
