I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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