I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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