I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
