I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
