he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
