When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
