dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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