Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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