She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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