Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
