So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
