Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
