The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
