i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
