Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
