My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
