oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
