hotel room ftw
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
