Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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