someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
