She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
