More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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