we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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