Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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