I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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