Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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