I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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