How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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