So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
