Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
